Okay, let’s get past the fact that in our greatest moments of weakness or weirdness most of us may have inadvertently looked through our guy’s bedside table (for hand lotion!) while he was otherwise occupied, or casually inventoried the dry cleaning receipts, straw wrappers and lint in his jacket pocket. But here’s the bottom line, ladies: snooping is bad for relationships. There are two reasons we snoop: rampant insecurity and female intuition.

Insecurity: Let’s say you’re madly in love. Things are going great. But that little voice in your head tells you that this guy can’t possibly be as good as he seems. He must be hiding something. So you glance, casually at first, at the stack of mail on his countertop, or poke your fingers in between the cushions of his couch, while he’s pouring you a glass of wine. Then, while he runs out to pick up your pizza with extra cheese you conduct an intensive all-out search mission that could rival the CIA.

This will always get you into trouble: First, it’s not very nice. Second, you could get caught in the act, which would be both horribly embarrassing and difficult to explain. Last, if you do find something out of the ordinary, even if it’s nothing, it will gnaw away at you like a flesh-eating bacteria. Eventually you’ll crack and interrogate your guy on how he came to be in possession of diamond-studded nipple ring, or a ticket stub to Sex and the City. And then, you’ll be forced to explain exactly how you know what you know. He will likely have a completely logical explanation for whatever it is you managed to find, and you will have humiliated and tormented yourself for nothing.

Female Intuition: There is one good reason to snoop: to confirm what you already know. As in, you’re pretty damned sure he’s cheating on you and you need solid proof. Give some serious thought to why you feel this way. Do you always feel this way? Or is it just this situation, this guy, this relationship that’s causing you to fret? Do you have actual evidence of infidelity, or a creeping “something’s not right” feeling lingering in your gut? Trust your instinct and figure out what’s bothering you. If he is cheating, you need to know. If he’s not, you need to figure out why you’re having such a hard time trusting him.

In the end, (or the darkness of the closet) only you can answer the question of whether you should snoop or not. Whatever you decide, the first place you should look is in the mirror.

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Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You’ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.