Three Little Words

Dear Words,

Be patient, and don’t put so much importance on those three little words. They are, after all, just words. There are plenty of guys who will tell you they love you and then turn around and flirt with your roommate the second you leave the room, or use the “love” word as a relationship chaser for all sorts of other crap they pull.

I’d take the sweet, silent type every day of the week. Clearly your guy knows how to express love, even if the words are a little slow to escape. He’ll say it when he’s ready. What is most important is how he treats you, not what he says. It sounds like you have a great guy. Let him go at his own pace.

XO,

Lisa

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Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You’ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.

Dear Swim Guy,

Where the hell is David Hasselhoff when you need him? Unfortunately, there’s no Ego Lifeguard to pull you out from under the murky, piranha-infested breakup waters. You’re out there alone, pal. The best I can do is throw you a line.

It sounds like you’ve already taken rescue step one by heading back to the gym. Buffing up your bod will build up your ego at the same time, and exercise releases all those happy endorphins that make you feel good, despite your love life. A few swooning gym babes won’t hurt the cause either.

The next step you need to take is to create the life you’ll be happy with, whether your ex is in it or not. You say you’re not sure you even want her back. I hate to be heartless (although occasionally it is necessary, and you guys know I’m up to the task…) but you’ll be a lot better off if you decide that you don’t. Once you abandon the hope that you’ll get her back, you can open your life up for better options. Move on. Whether that means turning yourself into the next Mr. Universe, writing rap, or dating every chick you meet, the quicker you get started the better.

There are a few things you can do to help you get through the rough spots. First, keep swimming. Second, get out with your buddies every weekend. Play some hoops, watch a game, just make sure you’ve got a little male bonding on the schedule, especially on the weekend nights, or at times when you’re most likely to miss the fickle chick. Last, give yourself a little treat once a week for the next month. You’ve been through some rough stuff, you deserve it. Buy a new CD. Get a massage. Replace the batteries in your remote for extra speedy channel surfing.

It sounds like you’re a fabulous guy who maybe needs to work a little on his approach. So, the next time you start a new relationship, take it slowly before you hand over your heart on a silver platter. (In other words, don’t dive in head first. Dip your toe in to see how cold the water is.) I know lots of women who would love a guy who’s “too nice and doesn’t want to play the game.” In fact, I get a couple dozen letters from them every single day. It’s also important to remember that your ex is not representative of her entire sex. I know you’re angry now, but don’t treat your next girl like crap just to even the score.

As for Miz-Fickle-Turn-On-A-Dime, she may come crawling back once she sees how easily you’ve moved on. For some reason we women are always attracted to guys who manage to live without us. But by then, hopefully, you’ll be too busy to care. And then she’ll be writing me a letter telling me about the only nice guy she ever dated – and how she let him get away.

XO,

Lisa

Have a question for Lisa Daily? Leave a comment below.

Get more free dating advice from Lisa Daily & DatingExpert.TV!
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Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You’ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.

Dear Dream Girl,

First of all, no “Nightmare Girl” is beyond reform, you included. Your letter just broke my heart. First off, please stay in therapy for a while. You’re knee-deep in an incredibly destructive pattern right now. For some reason, it seems as though you believe at some level that you don’t deserve to be loved, so you sabotage your relationships either by picking unsuitable guys, creating problems or imagining them. The fact that you believe your boyfriends will treat you badly becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I think part of the reason you think your boyfriends are cheating on you is that you are cheating on them – guilt is a strange, strange thing. Here’s what I think you should do. Stop dating for a while, it seems like it only exacerbates your issues. Give yourself a chance to figure out why you don’t believe you deserve to be loved, and why you can’t trust people. Is it just men? Or is it everybody? If I had to venture a guess in the dark, I’d say you had suffered some sort of abuse, sexual or otherwise. Take a dating sabbatical – give yourself six months without a man, at least. In that time, go to therapy and really spend some time figuring out where the pattern started. Take good care of yourself. If you were sexually abused, read “The Courage To Heal.” In any case I want you to realize that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. Really. You are not damaged goods. You are an amazing, wonderful person. You just need to believe in yourself. And eventually, in someone else.

Good luck, I’m pulling for you.

XO,
Lisa

Have a question for Lisa Daily? Leave a comment below.

Get more free dating advice from Lisa Daily & DatingExpert.TV!
Sign up for the free Dating Tips newsletter below and we’ll send you * * 5 Secrets to Make the Guys Go Gaga!* We never share or sell your info.

Related Articles:

What Your Favorite Pizza Topping Says About Your Lovelife

7 Unexpected Places to meet Great Men Over 40

Crash and Burn-ology: 6 Signs There Won’t Be a Second Date

ASK LISA! : She won’t stop calling my boyfriend!

VIDEO: How to Break Up Without Being A Jerk

Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You’ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.